I have a friend who has servers. He is going to make me a new website to blog on the weekend of April 22nd. It will be a lot easier to post.
I am trying to regain access to my hotmail account associated with the this webpage. (As it is an original.)
My last three sessions have been terribly difficult. So my therapist tried something different today. Rather than any trauma talk, she wanted to know my best memory from my childhood.
It was at my Grandmother’s house. When we were on the porch and all the family was in the house. It was crazy how strong the memory still is. I can remember the smell of the kitchen … what everyone was wearing … the wind … the sound of the pea pods opening.
My therapist asked why the memory was so strong.
…
“Because I felt so accepted. I belonged there. I was safe, loved. Educated. There was so much laughter and joking. And everyone was so happy in that memory. I was surrounded by family. And the food was wonderful.” (I am literally crying right now. I miss this place so much. I miss my family so much.)
So now that she has a safe place to tie me into … ground me … we can start working towards the trauma.
(1) Job Interviews. I have 2. Dave has one.
(2) We are working on our combined budget.
(3) I shut down my two single Bank Accounts (branches only located on the mainland). I still have two more open with my ex. But there is no charge on those two accounts.
(4) Dave’s Chapter 7 has been fully approved. It should pass through judge by the end of this month.
(5) I started taking the pill form of an allergy nasal spray twice a day — no more severe allergies.
(6) My counseling appointments continue to devastate me. Just difficult to get through. I feel like, by the end of it, I actually will not have learned anything. We shall see …
I finally got paperwork to prove residency, so I went to the DMV to do a walk-in appointment. The lady came out and said, “I am only taking the first 5 people here.” Well. Furk.
I wanted to get up at 4 AM the next day to be at the DMV by 4:30 AM; however, one of our neighbors over the fence decided to burn trash in a barrel. I nearly keeled over from smoke inhalation before the fire department put it out. I ended up awake and still coughing after 11PM.
So I cancelled rhe early wake up and schedule the first available appointment at the DMV. May 2nd. (booooo!!!)
I am having a nightmare of a time trying to post a link right now.
There l, I think that worked. Well,
(1) We got connected with the people that find you jobs. I am supposed to be offered a job in two weeks. My hubby is harder as his retirement means he has to make a minimum of 70k a year for it to be feasible.
(2) I am very frustrated here. I had a blow out at the neighbors across the way because they like to get drunk, come back and then laugh and talk loudly after midnight. Sleep has been so hard … Well, apparently I am not allowed to directly ask someone to quiet down — I have to go to staff. Smelling alcohol is a major trigger for me.
…… (and) …
Staff here seemed forced to placate rather than uphold the rules. So many are just allowed to break them again and again. They eventually are written up and kicked out for 24 hours. This process just reinforces negative behavior.
….. (and) ….
I got asked to step out and fight someone. Nope. I went to staff to file a complaint. I let them know if I was physically threatened again, I would be calling the cops. IHS Staff response: you cannot call the cops. My response: Say that to me again as it is a federal crime to prohibit someone from calling 911. Anyway, my new husband has encouraged me to take any verbal threat seriously– one warning (depending on threat caliber) and done. (This is based on my past and the hundreds of times a week my ex would threaten me.)
(3) My husband has lost 31 pounds while working out. I have gained nine.
(4) We are still applying to housing locations all over.
(5) I started counseling for severe PTSD (due to my ex). I have sobbed through my first two appointments and threw up from anxiety the night before the second appointment. Result: No talking about ex. We are going to work on umm …
ART: Accelerated Resolution Therapy.
(5) I have my first Psychiatrist appointment mid next month. I will be asking for a PRN anti-anxiety and a anti-depressant. Serotonin, my serotonin levels, feel like there is none in my system.